The Dark Secrets of the Bird World

66 million years ago, a large asteroid about six miles in diameter smashed into what is present-day Mexico. It was the most unpleasant thing you can imagine for everyone here at the time, and it ended up causing the extinction of over 75% of species, including all the dinosaurs.

Right?

It killed off all the dinosaurs—that’s how the story goes. Right?

The thing is, when we picture dinosaurs, we picture large, reptile-looking guys tramping about on land being dicks. And yes, those guys you’re picturing went extinct.

But there were also a lot of other kinds of dinosaurs, including some with feathers who could fly. While no non-flying dinosaurs survived the mass extinction, some of their avian cousins did survive, and they’re still surviving today. Which leaves us with the surprising fact:

Birds aren’t just the descendants of dinosaurs, they are dinosaurs.

Birds are close relatives of the notorious Velociraptor1—they share a common ancestor with it from the Jurassic period.2

So there dinosaurs were, ruling the Earth, when a big rock changed everything, setting mammals on a new course to dominate the world and sending the mighty dinosaur off to the periphery to watch from the sidelines. And today, most of our attention is on the mammals of the world—ourselves in particular, but also on our dogs and cats and elephants and bears and whales and cows and monkeys and sheep.

But what about our planet’s flying dinosaurs over on the sideline? Have any of us thought to see what’s going on with them?

Sometimes, when a big, popular circus loses its appeal and another, new form of entertainment takes over, and then a bunch of time passes, it’s better not to see what those old, forgotten circus performers are doing these days. Sometimes, you don’t want to know. Because sometimes, it turns out that what’s going on behind the doors of the old, broken down circus caravan is a bunch of weird, dark shit.

This week, I decided to pull back the curtain on the bird world and see what was happening there. Here’s a report on what I found:

Identity Fraud: Ordinary Birds Pretending to Be Exotic

There’s no less glamorous animal than the pigeon, so it’s understandable why so many pigeons are trying to pass off as other, less stigmatized types of birds—but come on:

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It’s just not working:

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Growing a mustache and calling yourself the Inca Tern is clearly not fooling anyone:

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The best pigeon-hiding effort I’ve seen is by a group of white pigeons who spent millions of dollars on PR and rebranded itself as “the dove,” locking down a partnership with the Catholic church and plastering the internet with images and drawings like this:

dove composite

It gets worse. Here’s a vulture that grew a beard to try to escape all the baggage of being a vulture, which might have worked had it come up with a cleverer name for itself than the bearded vulture:

fabeard vulture

Here are two skinny-headed anhingas who are pretending not to be birds by posing as the hind legs of a deer or a dog:

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Then again, we shouldn’t be surprised when the anhinga is unimpressive, given that this is how it plays hide and seek.

An even more ridiculous move is some normal yellow and black bird gluing a clearly-fake plastic beak onto its face and calling itself the toucan:

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Then there’s the harpy eagle trying to pose as a fucking panda bear of all things:

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But the most blatant identity fraud cases are happening throughout the chicken world. I get that no one wants to be a chicken.3 A chicken is a tweaky, paranoid joke of an animal. A chicken doesn’t fly, it spazzes into a brief flutter—and it can’t chirp, settling instead for the absurd “bawk.” And while we have the courtesy to call cow and pig meat euphemisms like “beef” and “pork,” we just call chicken meat “chicken,” because nobody respects the chicken. I understand why you’d wish you were a different type of bird. But that’s no excuse for doing psychotic things like painting yourself black:

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Or getting a transparent makeover:

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Or getting a ridiculous haircut:

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Or fluffing out your feathers and calling yourself the silkie hen:

hybrid puff chicken

I also discovered a new fad that’s gotten hot—impersonating humans.

Here’s a bird pretending to be a makeup-y 53-year-old woman:

hybrid makeup-y woman

And here’s a bird trying to be a human grandmother:

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Here are birds posing as human old men:

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And it’s apparently become trendy to grow stylish human hair:

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The irony of all these ordinary birds going to insane lengths to try to be more exotic is that what’s going on in the world of exotic birds is far worse:

Sadistic Psychological Abuse of Male Birds By Females

What humans don’t realize is that exotic birds are only exotic for one reason—women abusing their power of sexual selection to force horny men to go through tremendous shame and indignity at their whim. The females in a species of birds can get together and decide to evolutionarily turn the men of their species into literally whatever absurd creatures they want just by agreeing to all “select” for it. Like female peacocks getting together and colluding to only sleep with the men who turn themselves into the biggest, prettiest fans—which leaves the men with no choice but to spend the next hundred million years evolving into big, pretty fans:

Peacock_With_Fanned_Tail_600

And you’d think it would be bad enough that the female mallard thought it would be fun to turn the male mallard’s head bright green, but the much more twisted female mandarin duck has made her man into a piece of full-blown abstract art:

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And this is nothing compared to the sick practice by some species of female birds to turn their males into “birds of paradise”—like the tanager females, who got together and decided to have sex with only the fuzziest, most neon men, resulting in this tragedy:

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And just look at the shame on the face of the male Wilson’s bird of paradise:

hybrid Wilson

One set of females forced their males to change species altogether into an orange fuzz ball and renamed them “the cock of the rock” because they found it fucking hilarious:

hybrid cock of rock

You’d think turning men into clowns would be enough, but the women aren’t done. They make their clowns put on mortifying dance performances:

Meanwhile, many birds have bigger things to worry about than whether they’re exotic or not:

Birds With Proportional Difficulties

There are birds out there going through physical hell and no one has any idea. Like this bird who has the head of a duck but the body of a sparrow:

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Or this bird who has a miniature pair of human legs instead of normal bird legs:

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This bird has no head:

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And this bird is only a head:

projust a head

These birds didn’t realize you were supposed to be a body with feathers on it, not just feathers and nothing else:4

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And this bird forgot to not be just a fuzzy sphere:

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Widespread Facial Rotting

One of the more disturbing findings of my investigation was the large number of birds out there who are actively decaying even though they’re not dead yet. The most well-known example is the gruesome turkey, whose facial gummies—which are delicious-looking on other birds—have horribly rotted:

hybrid turkey

And it gets worse. The wood stork’s head is fully decomposing:

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Some have tumor or mold-ridden beaks:

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And others have replaced their head entirely with that of a tiny bludgeoned-to-death llama:

grllama

Creatures Out in the Open Who Are Clearly Supposed to Still Be in The Egg

The elephant in the room whenever you’re in the presence of a newborn human baby is that it very obviously belongs in the womb for another month. But in the bird world, this phenomenon is far more extreme. Some upsetting examples:

hybrid baby

Most alarmingly, many of these fetuses are in a constant state of agony, with every passing moment being the new worst moment of their life:

hybrid agony

Birds Who Forgot to Go Extinct When They Were Supposed To

There are a number of birds currently living who were obviously supposed to go extinct a long time ago and just forgot. Most notably, the shoebill:

hybrid shoebill

And the helmeted hornbill:

exhelmeted-hornbill01

Rampant Narcissism

The golden pheasant is a prime offender:

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As is this strapping eagle, who needs to rein it in a notch and remember that he’s still a bird:

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As is this chicken, who doesn’t even have clothes on, let alone a fashion runway and an audience:

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But for Americans, we don’t have to look very hard to find avian narcissism at its worst. This is what the bald eagle looked like before 1776:

hybrid bald eagle humble

Just an ordinary, low-confidence bird. But ever since signing a deal with the US to serve as its national emblem, the bald eagle has let the whole thing go to his head, strutting around with this absurd look on his face:

hybrid bald eagle cocky

Little does he know how close he was to being ousted in favor of the turkey of all animals.5

Rank Racism

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Outrage at Nothing in Particular

There’s an odd fetish in the bird world with being outraged about what seems like nothing in particular.

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outz3 - Southern Cassowary

The Biggest Asshole in the Animal Kingdom

If you know the animal kingdom, you know that’s saying a lot. And no, I’m not talking about the ostrich, nature’s terrible personality on a stick:

humiostfunny-ostrich

I’m talking about the goose.

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Outside of the heinous world of insects, I can’t think of a creature that has literally no redeeming qualities. Except for the goose.

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You know when you have some bread and you decide to feed some birds, and there’s one piece of shit who’s bigger than everyone else and shoves the other birds out of the way, taking literally every piece of bread, and you have to cleverly strategize in order to throw bread to the rest of the birds, and even then it’s hard? Well the goose is the quintessential feed-the-birds-bully.

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The goose is perpetually unpleasant to be around, and the second something happens that doesn’t go his way, he has a fit and makes this appalling face:

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That’s about plenty of the goose.

Delusion

The bald eagle isn’t the only bird with a hero’s complex. Steller’s sea-eagle seems to be convinced that he’s that Disney character who’s all hardened and low-voiced and gruff and doesn’t want to talk about his past but then ends up having a heart of gold and agrees to mentor the protagonist and ends up sacrificing himself to save the day:

hybrid stellers

On the other side of things, it appears that the vulture has taken his reputation to heart and become a caricature of himself, overexaggerating his sinister, menacing stereotype in a bad-guy-in-a-kids-movie way:

hybrid vulture

And just when you thought we had our hands full with these real birds thinking they’re fictional, the puffin, who is fictional, is out there living his life in the three-dimensional real world as if he’s an actual creature:

Taken on my trip to Machias Seal Island in July 2010

Odd so far, and a bit grim. But as my investigation grew deeper and I asked more questions, I began to uncover more disturbing things going on in the darkest corners of the bird world:

Legitimately Psychotic Behavior in the Pigeon World

The identity fraud pigeon cases mentioned above were just the tip of the iceberg of the strange things going on with pigeons. On the streets of your city, you’d have no idea, but as I explored, I was shocked by what I found. It started with certain pigeons looking kind of abnormal:

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Something wasn’t right. I dug deeper, and an entire perverted world began to reveal itself:

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After that last one, I decided I had dug deep enough. I still don’t know what the fuck is going on with those pigeons.

And my darkest findings were still yet to come—

The Rapey White Parrot That’s Terrorizing the Planet

I’m not talking about normal parrots, or even this overly-segmented fuck:

patCute-Colourful-Parrot

I’m talking very specifically about the white parrot:

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Here’s what I want you to do. Look at the above photo and form an opinion about his motive at the moment the picture was taken.

Now watch this video:

Now look at this picture again:

par

Not okay, right?

A Ghostly Sociopath Who Watches You at Night

Owls are creepy. Everyone knows that. But when most people think of an owl, they picture this handsome, potentially-wise, only-scary-in-a-cartoonish-way owl:

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Or maybe they picture the low self-esteem owl:

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They might even picture the genuinely eerie round-headed owl:

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What they probably don’t picture is the ghostly sociopath owl who watches you at night:

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Let’s just discuss the situation here. First of all, he doesn’t have a face, he has an anti-face, which is unsettling as fuck. Secondly, he’s a predator who makes his living silently murdering unsuspecting living things. Thirdly, he’s nocturnal. Of course. Fourthly, most of the time, he’s just standing there by himself, perfectly still, with wide eyes. Fifthly, he says “hoo.” All the normal birds “chirp,” and this creepy fuck says “hoo.” And finally, add on to all of that that his head swivels around and even flips completely upside down:

ow£££-Owl-with-an-upside-down-head

Then—then—I come across this GIF:

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And this GIF:

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Nothing about this GIF is okay. The guy on the left is manically devouring some kind of rat alive, the two guys on the right are slinking around like the grudge lady coming down the stairs, and those three manage to be the three least disturbing owls in the GIF.

Moving on—

Complete Mental Breakdowns

We all know that the flamingo lost his mind a long time ago:

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And the potoo’s snap is well-documented:

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But as I reached the farthest fringes of society, I saw more and more cases that seemed beyond hope.

Like the arctic tern and its inexplicable migration habits. In general, I’ve always wondered what birds’ issue is and why they need to migrate such absurd distances, and then I read about the arctic tern and found this:

Arctic terns are true champions in the bird world. They fly about 11,000 miles from their breeding grounds in the Arctic to their winter home in Antarctica.

Champions? Champions of what—horrible decision-making? The North Pole is 6,000 miles away from the equator. Every climate possible exists in between. Whatever climate difference they’re finding on the other pole could be achieved by flying 1,000 miles of latitude away from the pole. There’s no explanation for going farther than 6,000 miles. And if the arctic tern claims there’s some key subtle factor that makes the far pole better than somewhere on their current hemisphere, that’s like commuting every day from your home in Boston to an office in San Francisco because you found a slightly better deal on office rent there.

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An atrocious decision-maker

Then there’s the California condor, who at some point began shaving his whole head and face for no apparent reason:

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And there’s this lunatic:

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And this chicken, whose family hasn’t heard from him in over a year:

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And these chickens, who look like walking food:

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And these birds, who are non-ironically and permanently impersonating Big Bird:

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And this parakeet, for whom we need no comment:

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Birds Who Apparently Think This is All a Big Joke

If there’s one takeaway from all this, it’s that the state of the bird world should not be taken lightly, especially by birds. And yet, in the midst of everything I found, there were a bunch of birds who couldn’t give a fuck either way. Like the dimwitted spoonbill:

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Or this incredibly immature pelican:

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Or the blue-footed booby—

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—who seemed more intent on dancing than doing anything to help:

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I’ll wrap up with a bird who should be concerned about both the wider bird world and his own bizarre situation and seems apparently worried about neither:

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So there you go. Next time you’re outside and you see your neighborhood crow or sparrow or pigeon, just remember: A) it’s a dinosaur, B) it may have secrets, and C) leave it at that—some things are better left unexplored.

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____________

More Wait But Why investigative journalism into the animal world:
The Bunny Manifesto
The Primate Awards
Why Bugs Ruin Everything

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  1. who the movie Jurassic Park lied to you a lot about—they were around the size of a turkey, feathered, and not especially intelligent.

  2. I have a billion things to say about dinosaurs and this extinction event, but I’m going to cut myself off here and save it for a post all about it.

  3. Weirdly, the currently-living creature whose DNA is most closely-related to that of a Tyrannosaurus Rex? The chicken. I picture what happened is that T-Rexes started having these disappointing sons and the fathers would be like, “You’re not my son” and then those sons would have even more disappointing sons and disown them, and then it happened again and again each generation and 65 million years later, this is where we are.

  4. I’ve been informed by a reader that the first of these two birds is, in fact, much more of a Christmas tree ornament and much less of a living bird. On one hand, I should probably take it off the post. On the other hand, I’m going to leave it up as commentary about how ridiculous-looking real birds are that I couldn’t tell that this was fake.

  5. Before settling on the bald eagle, Ben Franklin suggested that the US choose the turkey as its national emblem. He thought the turkey made more sense because it was aggressive and mean, while the bald eagle was a lazy scavenger.

  • Lutz

    Great post. but I disagree bout the goose.

    I have seen them as watchgoose to guard a farm and they are way scarier than dogs, so I would say they have some redeeming qualities.

    • Dock Miles

      Way good to eat. Obnoxious so easier to kill.

  • Simraan

    Lol. Hilarious post like always!

  • jediwes

    Nothing about penguins? When emperor penguins lose their chick, they try to chicknap another couple’s chick! That’s some sociopathic shit there.

  • Jeff

    HA I love how you’ll talk about a philosophy on life and truth and consciousness and then funny bird feathers and it all somehow fits on this blog.

  • Yihwan

    Goose down is a great thing. Down in general is pretty great.

  • chingareke kuuraya

    This made me wonder and laugh at the same time especially after last week’s hectic topic.

  • fern t mimosa

    Sorry but this is a weak post. A but funny, in the chuckle sort of way, but lacking the depth of your good posts.

    1) Sure, phylogenetically birds are reptiles, but then so are you, because anything descended evolutionarily from a reptile could be called a reptile.

    2) That cockatoo was clearly courting that kitten not being rapey. That was true love.

    3) Barn owls (the ones you call sociopaths) are freaky looking but their call is WAY worse than “Hoo hoo” Check it out http://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/barn_owl/sounds

    • Lisa

      (1) that’s not true..you can’t just call anything a “reptile”. there is criteria for these things. otherwise, the classification would serve no purpose.
      birds are MUCH more closely related to dinosaurs than we are.
      we come from the first -mammals- that flourished after the extinction of most dinosaurs.

  • “It killed off all the dinosaurs—that’s how the story goes. Right?”

    Um. No.

    That birds are dinosaurs has been common knowledge for years now.

    Your collection of photographs is wonderful — though I think you might have taken a page out of Darwin’s book and given credit where credit is due” those strange and wonderful pigeons are the work of skilled pigeon fanciers picking and choosing among genetic lines.

    Still, the photographs are good enough to have carried the article without your presuming an ignorant audience for your own fun.

    -dlj.

  • Andy Ross

    The rapey white parrot (Australian cockatoo) is bad enough, but do a Youtube search for “wanking budgie/parakeet” and you’ll see there’s no limit to the birdlike depravity.

  • Carolyn V. Egan

    So funny; so silly; so cute!

  • Rena

    The first abnormal looking pigeon is about all I see every fucking day, trying to enter my apartment, nesting on every available surface, copulating loudly outside my window. DEMON CREATURES.
    Oh and did you know, female Adelie penguins prostitute themselves and cheat the men of their pebbles when they’re lying sated?

  • Frank

    You made my day! Thanks a lot – what a laugh!

  • Great, but you forgotten this little bird and is migration around the planet
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northern_wheatear

  • Please, someone, tell me how is the only-head-bird called, he is just glorious, I need more of his pictures and biographies

    • imwithstoopid

      Well I guess, as your avatar indicates, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Or are your glasses of the wrong prescription. LOL

  • José

    As you very well said at the end of the post, some things are better left unexplored. I let a couple of pigeons (rock doves, actually) nest in my balcony, they laid 2 eggs, which turned into 2 ugly pigeon-babies after hatching. All was OK (considering that for a pigeon, “OK” means having a cozy, pigeon-shit covered nest), until this morning (3/11) I found out one of the babies is dead. So I think I’m removing it from the nest this afternoon and let the garbage men dispose of it (not the most glamorous funeral).

  • Carol Scheinost

    On a postive note, the topic of birds was a nice diversion compared to the ‘heavy’ topics that have been covered lately. The images were both educational and odd. Normally, I find the insididious off the cuff commentary funny and almost always entertaining. For some reason, in this piece it came across stale. Instead of mocking the bird world, I would have rather read something about appreciating its diversity. Afterall, each year many species are joining the endangered species list and/or becoming exinct for good.

  • hayley

    HILARIOUS as usual. The only-a-head bird absolutely got me.

  • Darkwulfz

    HAHAHA! hilarious stuff! i was laughing so hard at the creepy-as-fuck gifs of the owls and the rapey-looking white parrot! definitely made my day. another of classic post from Tim. .

    • hjbhk

      Cockatoo.

  • Dan R. Deneyer

    Silly, mean-spirited and coward post. As if there aren’t already far too many people “hating” birds or being afraid of them. Yet another poor excuse for humans to despise any living creature that cannot defend itself.

    Nowadays the politically correct police would sentence anybody to death for even daring to mention the word “dwarf” instead of “vertically challenged” person, but luckily Tim can make fun of non-human, bizarre looking creature.

    Not a surprise that with this frame of mind bio-diversity is considered as useless luxury. Animals are ours to use, abuse and make fun. If they do not serve any purpose. they might as well be wiped out.

      • Dan R. Deneyer

        Dear Sir, you should read it yourself and learn that “Different cultures have different expectations of humour so comedy shows are not always successful when transplanted into another culture.” In short, humour does not “translate” well. For instance, I find many US “comedies” just plain stupid. It does not necessarily mean I have no sense of humour, only that my sense of humour is different from that of the average US citizen 😉

        • emjay

          Dear Madam,

          Taking something like this seriously requires such a lack of humor that any such culture could be objectively called “humorless” (not to mention “inferior”).

          • Lisa

            since i just blasted Dan R., i will point out that his passion for animals is a good thing. he has concern for animals and that passion might override his ability to find fun in this post. this isn’t all that different from people who wouldn’t find fun in a racist or sexist post (most people don’t see eye to eye on what that would look like), we just expect his reaction less. we have no idea why he’s sensitive to this issue. he may have witnessed animal abuse, he may have just lost a pet bird, we know zip. the only thing we do know is that he was triggered, just as i was in my reply to him. so, i’d say, whether you agree with him or not, tolerance would be the way to go.

            • Lisa

              i also understand that most of us are pretty protective of Tim and that may have caused people to react to Dan R.’s post the way they did.

            • Digikid

              Awww…

    • Rodrigo Gomes

      You are taking it far too seriously. One can love and respect the animals with all the heart, and still have some fun with their physical appearence and weird behaviour. We do this with our pets all the time 🙂

      “creature that cannot defend itself” is not a very precise definition, I would rather say “creature that doesn’t mind about those human little vanities”

      • Dan R. Deneyer

        Well I am in a bad mood, so I guess I am entitled to some – polite – bitchiness 😉

        • M.B.

          You might want to remove that stick from your butt. How you can make such a light-hearted, intentionally over the top ridiculing of birds so seriously is beyond comprehension.

          You must be a blast at parties.

    • Lisa

      i sentence you to this post.

      lay off little people. if you’re complaining about having to treat someone with respect, it’s because the privilege you’ve always had has allowed you to treat people like sh*t and get away with it your whole life. apparently no one ever told you it was wrong until recently- which tends to make people react with defensiveness (which is reeally exhausting for everyone else who has been dealing with prejudice and discrimination THEIR WHOLE LIVES and now has to be told how awfully inconvenient and terribly injust it is to have to acknowledge anyone else’s experience in the world).

      it’s completely ironic that you’re complaining about fully embracing diversity among humans (by actually treating others with respect- something society demands for anyone we deem has value), while advocating that we show more appreciation for biodiversity (agreed) and stop making fun..of ANIMALS.
      Animals, after all, aren’t going to impinge on your privilege and fight for their rights, but you might find it worthwhile to expand your sympathy and concern to other human beings (even little people) all the same.

      this message has been brought to you by
      The Privilege Police

      “Believe it or not everyone else never actually liked being treated like sh*t.”

      you are now free to reflect on your privilege.

  • nvd

    Another hilarious post! I hope it was as fun (and creepy and interesting) to write as it was to read. Keep them coming!

  • PlainEmily

    And there’s also duck gang rape. Totally happens. Male ducks are pretty much the worst.

    • Lisa

      i’ve witnessed it. it’s awful. :

      • imwithstoopid

        Didja ever see Sharks in lust. Many times the object of their affection is killed. I mean truly a gang rape, if it, the frenzy, could be called as such.

  • CJ

    Thanks for helping me meet my laugh quota today! I wish I remembered the name of the birds in this nature show I was watching but it’s one of the saddest things I’ve seen. It was on birds and siblicide. The mama bird had two baby birds, but unfortunately, the second one was merely there as insurance if the first bird didn’t make it. The mama bird went to get water for the first born. While she was gone, the first born viciously attacked its sibling. Upon mama’s return, the second baby bird wobbled to his mama for comfort. The mama sees what has happened, and walks past the injured, hurting baby bird, feeds water to her first born as if she’s rewarding him, and the injured sibling looks on, receiving no water or sympathy or love. A few moments later, the papa birds comes to feed first born. The second baby continues to look on…

    • imwithstoopid

      Tough love in the avian world?

  • Lisa

    i haven’t gotten to read all the fun stuff yet, but i have to say, from my evolutionary biology class in college, that the flying dinosaurs at the time were different. the dinosaurs that became birds (the clade saurischia) were not pterosaurs if that’s what you were saying. you’re right that birds are related to velociraptors and those other dinosaurs with the meaty thighs and baby arms, they just hadn’t evolved to fly yet.

    • imwithstoopid

      Could be referring to the Archaeopteryx perhaps.

  • Aussie

    Nice article there Tim, but I must correct you on one thing; where you have the white parrot pictured with the yellow hair-do, it’s actually called a cockatoo and does menaceful stuff in Australia (stole my only sandwich once on a school excursion and I was so hungry that day). So they may be a parrot, but they’re called cockatoo’s (http://www.cockatoosanctuary.org/about.shtml)
    Greetings from Aussie!

  • I was scrolling down the post while reading, thinking to myself that the goose HAD to be here. I hate than animal, it’s the devil’s pet, there is no doubt about it. I once was chased by one in the street, and if you still don’t believe me, just watch this video about this back-stabbing piece of sh*t, he’s the worst being in the world: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cV4FCwtTEo
    This post was awesome Tim, I needed a laugh (your more ‘serious’ posts are incredible as well, but I just needed something to laugh about this week and this was perfect).

  • Nimrod Nave

    The turkey with the decaying face looks like an ood

    An odd ood

  • Cherrie

    This was terrific. The Blue footed booby and the potoo are my favourite dinosaurs it tuwns out.

  • GC

    That second eagle photo looks just like John Adams. He’s merely keeping up with fashion trends.

  • Pingback: The Dark Secrets Of The Bird World – Urban Times()

  • Daniel

    This post was so good on so many levels! I only wish I could meet Tim one day and just ask his opinion on a variety of topics.. The part about geese was amazing! I’d recently watched Regular Show’s “A Bunch of Full Grown Geese” they’re complete assholes!! Love this blog

  • ern0

    That’s nothing. There’s a specy, Laniocera hypopirra, adult ones look like other regular birds (altough, after reading this article, it’s hard to say, what a “regular” bird looks like). These small birds are visiting their children with some food hourly, so most of the time, the young birds are lying unprotected in their nest. Avoid predator birds’ sharp eyes, young lanioceras have maxed out the mimicri thing: they not just look, but swirl like disgusting hairy worms: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkRmMQ-xBuo

  • All the most interesting birds live in Suriname.

    http://10000birds.com/birding-suriname-and-brownsberg.htm

  • Julia

    why did nobody save that poor cat in the video?

  • Leanne Tran

    LOL!!!
    Though some parts were truly disturbing (That Poor Cat!) This was fun to read

  • hjbhk

    Cockatoo. Hope that tortoise is OK.

  • Jenny Campbell

    I love this post so much it almost hurts. It has become my measure for if I want to spend time with another human being. You don’t think this is hilarious? Get out of my life.

  • ples

    but those are two different types of cockatoos……….. and cockatoos are actually really nice birds……..

  • Ivana Sklárová

    I was laughing in tears when I read that note no. 4 about that christmas tree decoration… Whole post is just great. I will definitely continue reading your work!

  • Ivana Sklárová

    I also heard about birds that would vomit on you when feeling endangered. 😀 Im sure you would make some hilarious notes about them 😀

  • Madame Blue

    Absolutely hilarious article! The retail store I used to work in sold those Christmas ornaments, or something very similar.

    You forgot about the white trash of the bird world, the Common Cuckoo. The female lays her eggs in the nests of other birds. That’s right, she dumps her kids in the foster care system and then goes off to party.

    • imwithstoopid

      Cowbirds and Cuckoos among others.

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  • Judy

    This post on WaitButWhy is made of the awesome. I’m a birder, and I approve.

  • nysepete

    The animal posts are likely by far the funniest ones of all! Love it. Well done.

  • Anthony

    “But that’s no excuse for doing psychotic things like painting yourself black:”

    A big, black cock.

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