Wow.

Okay.

So of the 6,265 people who clicked on the turtle in the footer, only 1,419 then proceeded to do what you did—scroll down the page, but not so fast that you missed the tiny little turtle on the right about halfway down. 1,419 people out of the 34,555,496 people who have ever been on Wait But Why means that only 1 in every 24,352 people who come to the site end up here. So back to Fenway Park, where now you’re the only one or maybe one of the two people in the whole stadium who would get here.

And where the hell are we right now? Could anything on the internet be more random than this particular page? It’s the second turtle page on Wait But Why. No one knows about this page. Again, for every 24,352 people who have been on this site, 24,351 do not know this page exists. And then there’s you.

And me, again. I don’t want to be a dick, but I already have a procrastination problem, and you making me spend time here with you isn’t helpful.

Let’s cut our losses and head back to the real world. Here is a king button that will take you back to the home page with the rest of society.