A-List Stars In Tiny Roles

As an add-on to the Oscars Live Blog, this is a post that resulted from a deep and miserable procrastination spiral I had over the summer. In case you’re worried that we’re turning into TMZ, we’ll be back to normal posts on Tuesday, March 11th.

__________

My dad told me, “It takes fifteen years to be an overnight success,” and it took me seventeen and a half years. –Adrien Brody

You know how if you scroll down to the bottom of a movie star’s IMDB filmography, you get to a bunch of movies you haven’t heard of?

That’s the eating shit section. Almost every star ate an incredible amount of shit for years before anyone ever heard of them. And if you dig hard enough, you can watch it happening. Let’s give it a try:

Stars as Extras

It’s especially weird to watch a megastar play an extra, but it happened a lot:

Robert De Niro

Deniro played a number of small weird roles, but this one was certainly one of the smallest.

Brad Pitt

Skip to 1:58 and check out the waiter. Not a large part for Brad.

And here’s another Pitt background role.

Stars in Commercials

Ben Affleck

Jason Alexander

Pretty dark. Jason Alexander has to be pleased with where his career ended up, given that this is where it once was.

Elijah Wood

What an incompetent family.

Matt Le Blanc

One of the least plausible commercials I’ve seen.

Brad Pitt

He’s not even the guy in the Pringles commercial. He’s Guy #2 in the Pringles commercial. Definitely still waiting on the big break.

Leonardo DiCaprio

That handsome fuck. Also, really unimpressed by the mom’s lack of self-control. One bite of shitty cheese and she does a 180 on her whole stance.

Stars in Tiny Roles

Tom Cruise

Weird choice by Tom Cruise to inhale helium before going on camera.

Harrison Ford

Harrison Ford’s first screen appearance. Also, no one today looks as awesome and old-timey as that man sitting at the table.

Brad Pitt

Look at our boy, moving up the ladder with a speaking role!

Stars When They Were Kids

(Lest you think any successful actor had a normal childhood.)

Robert Downey, Jr.

Special.

Scarlett Johannson

Not super impressed with that acting. But highly adorable.

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Both an intensely cute and supremely weird performance by Sarah. And apparently Burger King is the primary springboard to stardom for any aspiring actor.

Natalie Portman

Oldest-looking 12-year-old ever.

Drew Barrymore

That is not yet a sentient person.

Justin Timberlake and Ryan Gosling

Well didn’t these two needledicks end up doing just fine for themselves. Watching this led to an internal debate about who ended up with a bigger career. JT by a hair?

Stars with Big Parts in Obscure Movies

George Clooney